and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
