Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
