Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
