what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
