What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
