guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
