I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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