he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there's paper in my vomit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
