dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
