i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
