and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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