We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
