we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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