I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
