It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
