I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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