I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
not ubering you a puppy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize