? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
