4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
