I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
