I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
