You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
