Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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