Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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