somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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