guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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