So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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