I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
