why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
