that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
