i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
