I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
