he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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