I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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