We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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