My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
