I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
