dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
