i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
