Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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