Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i think i just lost a toe
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
