you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
