you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
