in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm really busy with my period
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