Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
