dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
