It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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