forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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