Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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