come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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