Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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