I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize