I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
