My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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