2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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