I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
