i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
