Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
as a side note pls kill me
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