rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
